The Azathoth Catalogue
Reflections Collection
(collection)

In the performance event ‚Zero Point - Trajectories and Landscapes’ by Meg Stuart, there was one performance where we got to look and speculate the naked body of a man. There were two moderators guiding this event and repeatedly they asked the audience what do his multiple tattoos tells us of him and what do we make of his body as an archive. In retrospective, contemplating his tattooed body and Azathoth, I returned to the thought of Alchemist and the speaking of the creative words in alchemical processes. And I thought that perhaps to “speak the creative words” is to engrave them into and onto one’s body. So that perhaps then the body can speak those words. Curiously, the tattooed person mostly had people’s names tattooed in him. Ursula K. Le Guinn in her fantasy novel “Earthsea’s stories” writes of a rule that if one reveals their real name to others – they gain full power of their lives. There is also an old myth in our reality that one’s given name symbolizes a partial ownership of Tellus; the given name grants a membership to Earth. So, what I mean to say is that perhaps names, or nouns, are the creative words? Not actions (verbs), or qualities (adjectives). When I say Omer, or Raz, or Mate, or Roi – we all immediately perceive a multiplicity right? A world in a world so to speak. Names, nouns encompass in them a multitude of logic and potentiality of how and where they exist, what they are constituted of, contained of, and so on. And I thought this is befitting to Azathoth and how we approach image manipulation and making. I remember me and Omer having a conversation at one point during this recent residency of agreeing that when we work with an image of a character or an object – our bodies are much clearer and creative in approaching its embodiment. In comparison to approaching through a quality (such as wind, water), emotion, sensation, and so on. This is not to say that those are not worked within Aza, but that they are inevitably part of it. As, if I am working with the image of a willow tree – the rain, the wind, the wood, the sadness, the joy, what else are all present in that one image as it is a living subject. And then I as a practitioner have different modalities to work with, on, at, in. What is revealed on the body’s surface, or in the interaction with the space – be it an action of cutting that tree down, or it being swept by the wind. It is a very simple thought, but it aided a lot in conceptualizing what could be a working method in Azathoth. And in this letter, it is the speaking of the creative words with ones body: those creative words being nouns: encompassing a vast potentiality. This also befits the tattooing of the eyes onto our bodies, though with this noun logic sigils or non-partial symbols might be more interesting (to have a tree, a lion, a fishing net, etc.)

To end, this all came from one rehearsal where I shifted in my inner relation to the work with resistance. Previously, I worked with becoming aware: where is my resistance located in the space or in the body/mind and then approaching that resistance and working with it (#stayingwiththetrouble). Then on one day I decided to name resistance as ‘key’, and the moment I made it into a noun, something shifted that I cannot really name. I stopped working with the taste of resistance, that was more a qualitative work, often resulting in actions as well, but I started to be fed with alternative imaginative information. I wanted to share all of this as we have been having an open and on-going conversation on what methodologies we use in Azathoth and how do we talk about that.

To second Mate's reflection, I agree that I do miss the more dynamic moments. But yeasterday I do enjoy observing us working with time, suspending our relations to the imagination, others, sound. I remember us having a slow run like this last week as well before our friday run.

I am writing this reflection on the collective tuning video as i truly enjoy the complexity of relationality in these one. Also Roi, the music is so so so fantastic and phantasmal! What I enjoy about the collective tuning in relations is that the relationality itself becomes dynamic. When some relation remains and gains autonomy, or when it is a fleeting moment that I jump on my seat as an audience member to grasb it before it disappears. I really enjoy this, wathcing becomes a game of sort to look for these "are they together?" moments or not - as to quote samuli and the "5678" a lot of audiences do search for connections and connectivity. I feel we can let go of the reins a bit.

Secondly as I promised, yeasterday I was working with "resistance" and the questions:

Where is your resistance? To where does your resistance direct you? How to allow oneself to be changed through this conflict, from within a conflict?

General reflections I had yeasterday during the rehearsal: How to listen to the moments when a "solo" becomes a quintet? This moment where it is clear that you are not alone Is this the moment when Azathoth arrives? Do you return changed to your solo or do you remain with Azathoth? Aka the otherness. Or are you pushed out / given birth to a new? A new solo. The difference between listening to the changes and listening to the thing itself.

so im not so sure what to write tbh. i dont feel good about this run so much. i feel i am dry of ideas. probably it is just a moment in time. still even when it is not my favourite run, i see that we as a group are skillful with suporting each other and with inviting the aza.

as for the question of omer today about dramaturgical arcu-

i think the way i go about it in general (perhaps this run isnt a good example) is to lach onto some movement vocabulary, develope it untul the juices of it come out. play, manipulate and so on. simulaniously i interact with the happening of the space. noticing when an oportunity is presented, and jumping in if possible. feeling the energy of the room, what it has what it doesnt have, what can be spicyer, quiter, softer, harder and so on. ideally finding or generating moments of intensity of some sort. if to put in other words, gradually getting more and more into a mode of trans, of being there but being somewhere else, until the lead is not in my hands anymore. moments of gathering as a group or finding some of the group can aid with that. cuz then there is a cullision of planets, that dispers into smaller parts, and the space gets even more into small pieces.

Ok, it’s happening, it’s working for me. I will describe the dramaturgical process I saw, and sprinkle with ponderings. (Practically, forgot to demarcate the space after switching to Raz’s camera, so Roi’s position and my starting positions aren’t ideal. I also want to try it with Roi being to our right, almost perpendicular to the camera.)

- Four minutes of mostly nothingness. A somewhat interesting effect, particularly when it can give the sense of a charged emptiness. For me, 4:50 could’ve come earlier to be at 2:00. The music could support our tuning and awakening as it so does itself; here it feels like the music is waiting for us and only then “dares” to approach.

- A beautiful, collective awakening, something gradually animating the bodies with purpose. What this thing already there or has its call just arrived? Having a long emptiness can run the risk of creating a statues-come-to-life effect, which is less than ideal for me.

- The individual fantasies condense, their growing mass enacting forces on the space and other fantasies within it. Around 12:00, they form the first constellation, assemblage. As it mutates, the fantasies oddly begin to make sense to me, perhaps contextualized without context. I like how this sense of interrelations changes qualities with and through the music, how it is undone and redone in different configurations as the five “bodies” interact.

Throughout this section, I think about duets and solos and trios. I like that we implemented the desire to stay with the trouble, to allow an encounter to transform. In this run, I see the duet of Raz and Suski as precarious, as particularly in their prolonged proximity and touch it may endanger a sense of individual fantasies. I think it’s a constructive precariousness, the two “planets” sharing spacetime in different ways, and one worth being attentive to. It makes me wonder about such “dyadic” relationships being formed from afar; and playing with growing further and closer apart as they transform. Can create this interweaving of interrelations, as their qualities enrich one another, and they form a more coherent sense of composition.

- The first “quartet” (or rather quintet), a knot around 22:00. As if the force of Azathoth gradually attracts the different fantasies/planets/dimensions together while they maintain their uncanny separation - a dissonance. It’s glorious and satisfying. It feels that this moment in the run establishes a connection between all of us, which we (including the spectators) can trust moving forth.

Then unknotting at 25:00, which together with a shift of the music settles into another constellation. I get the sense that the constellations grow in density, in meaning and clarity.

A beautiful exchange of compositions around 30:00. Eventually an interweaving of two duets, forming a rather unique and specific landscape of intensities which then ignites the stage with the Azathoth theme. The theme truly came to serve as a mysterious symbol we react to beyond knowing. A whirlpool speaking to and through the space which settles into something anew. Could the sense of “vortex” have lasted longer? How do the different musical samples activate the space?

- 35:00, it transcends. I’m seeing it, the fantasy in its multitudes and multiplicities. From within, that’s also when I remember feeling it: being dropped into the void, giving the material autonomy. Hooray!

- From around 40:00 begins the “ending maneuver”, clearly informed by the music. I like this interpretation from the music, the endless exchange of tapestry, landscapes from and beyond. But it is not yet precise. I feel it could’ve come a bit later and in a more organic way. I’m thinking of volumes/qualities of the sound where it becomes integrated in the space without feeling like a fade-out, or where it disappears without necessary being silent. Perhaps generally an interesting way to think about how the sound is interplays with the space. The effect feels more complete from around 43:00, and I’m into (but also weary) of the clarity of the nightmarish “sound montage” in the last few minutes.

The moving bodies become abandoned, endless, ephemeral. Less frontal and more multi-dimensional as spacetime is shattered. Here, Azathoth manifest is almost a unifying entity – the sea of humanity from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Everything is both other and one. I feel this effect maintains subtlety, and still gives me cosmic/existential drama.

I’m wondering if this is the most effective effect or if it’s just the first one that felt intuitive. It is very interesting, when Suski passes by Omer and then Mate, vestiges resonating in (a seemingly apocalyptic) infinity. But it isn’t completely coherent here, as the bodies seem to regain vitality and come together at 49:00 and are then abruptly depleted. It’s much more palpable, and we can tune it further.

Further notes:

Also thought today of this dramaturgical process as entropy. Such a classical “choreographic concept” but nonetheless one that feels right here. Compositions being rather predictable at lower entropy and as it rises, they become more complex. Order becomes disorder, harmony and discord and all that good stuff.

Yeah, I want more use of face and voice. I fear they may have been neglected due to the focus on filming in tandem with shitty phone cameras.

I am thinking of motifs as images lingering and accumulating and interacting with each other through spacetime. Mate’s reflection made me think that just as things linger, they can also be fleeting. Practically, trying to “make” motifs as such can prove largely futile, rather it’s more effective to trace them as they come and go and form the run’s symbolic language.

Roi, can placing-down and picking-up the accordion be softer? I feel there are moments where your body is really engaged with the action of playing, and these work great, but that this sense isn’t continuous.

Echoing the other reflections on this run, the first 8 minutes really don't work for me. I feel a lack of clarity and vagueness, and the interaction of the two. I would want the first breath to be an anchor, something that we all generally agree upon. We'll speak on that today.

There's also an awkwardness here with the camera's depth perception. I see too clearly a separation between Mate+Roi and the rest. Again, only at around the 8-min mark this is softened.

I stopped watching at minute 15, when I felt something finally clicked in the interrelations of the bodies (music included) and their individual intention/allure. When I felt the process of density and manifestation became palpable, and so I could commit myself to it.

For me the work starts from around 8 min, or it felt that was when i as an audience member got engaged. It really doesn't work for me if not all the bodies are visible as the first image, this would be good to take care when we film it.

In general, I really ended up enjoying watching this run, to follow some opinions I wrote while watching:

I becomes interesting when we "stay with the trouble".

It is a fine line when something is enough (too little or too much). It is a fine line when something becomes 'clean' (here: legible) or when something becomes 'dirty' (here: illegible).

We tend to be more immobile the farther we are from the center. The center feels like a vortex, a succumb.

To avoid "mad house" effect - I feel 'concentration' has a beautiful effect. From the diffusion back to concentrated, gathered information, this brings this sense of "otherworldiness" to me as a spectator. I don't start reading the piece as - "I am watching people going mad".

I like, in this run, how far we reach in relational and relatable absurdity.

It is a challenging practice of what is necessary.

I do not have anything particular to write about today. I feel like it was practice day and the things to work on are obvious.

I feel todays run was a run of familiarizing ourselves with the live music. As I see it, once we, the dancers, familiarize ourselves with the new patterns and motifs that Roi composed for us, we will find the audicity and nastiness I believe we all missed a bit today. I expect this to happen after a few runthroughs the coming days.

Question: What is the 'energy' of the motion, form?

It is not so interesting to see people feeling a lot. It is more interesting how that feeling manifests and translates into the body, and into the space.

If you give something 'vague' then also give something 'clear'.

How does meaning exist in form? Precarious balance and the unstability of meaning. Acknowledge the meaning in form even if you immeaditely don't understand it. There are 'strong' forms and 'weak' forms. There are 'public, societal, shared' forms and 'private' forms. How do you navigate between those?

Acknowledge that anything can tell a story. How can you staturate that story so that it starts to speak back?

There were a lot of gems in this collective tuning.

+ what would i like?

I enjoyed watching this run very much. your dancing has really inspired me. i think you have reached a magnificent and very interesting quality and dynamic between the four of you which has generated gentleness and also rapid and clear sharp shifts of state, of spatial composition etc. it's as if you move through different liquids with different meanings. first water, and then salt water, and the water from the dead sea and then urine, and then your mother's urine, and then you're your mother's urine while she gave birth to you. which was all mesmirizingly beautiful 🙂

the freedom of expression, and the possibilities of being and becoming, of performing you all possessed and went through were quite awe inspiring. it felt like your attention to each other created magnificent situations and meanings as a group, and of each other. a kind of attention made you become one and melt into each other - and create a kind of dense harmony- but still doesn't diminish the moments and phases of intense self of each one of you, a beautiful polyphony of cosmic psyches and universes. there is also a kind of dramaturgical or structural counterpoint that happens in the shifts between differing change of these two states.

i think seeing those things you do made me feel some lacking qualities in the music and the way it behaves.

i read omer's feedback about the previous run (8:run) in which he mentioned raz and suski saying they lack some sort of drastical and more intense shifts or something similar.

i feel that the music lacks something a bit similar in a way. and i feel i would like it to evolve in corresponding ways to some of the things i saw you doing and really liked.

I would like the music to have more live/solistic qualities to it. i feel a component of aliveness and personalities or character that playing on a live instrument brings. there are ways i could maybe add a couple of layers of harmonic samples or dronish pitch to make a melting harmonic affect that could be a bedrock for more free and expressive and emphasised live presence. i think it will create a presence that you all made crave for a bit.

this solistic quality also creates an opportunity for more drastic shifts that is sometimes less present in the more electronic or sample based parts. i think these parts could also be more dynamic and changing. i think it would mean an affect the like the whole music and all of its layers shift together in a more drastic holistic compositional move.

i think these things will hopefully give me a chance into interact with you as a group and as individuals in finer and more intricate ways. it often can make the affect of a sound having a physical presence in the space, or another personality in the space.

but also the moments when the music slithers slowly and transforming little by little to a different things are beautiful and important. but nonetheless it would be beneficial if there would be more parts that the music could be more indulgent in those parts as well. to delve and bathe in the monotonous tone.

i would also like to think of the music in the more dramaturgical aspect of it. in the end of this run there is the part of the music without an end as you call it. it is quiet exsoting but i think i does something very interesting to the perception of time and reality. it's as if the time itself is being broken and we are transitioned into an errored lagish function of being. it leaves the impression of azatoth breaking the space. so trying to think of more happenings of music that play a meaningful interaction with the references and notions of this piece would be fun.

#KurtVile #AldousHarding #GAZATOTH

Much like that day's trios, I see the soft, rhizomatic vastness. I think it's a really strong base for the practice of Azathoth. In comparison to the duets, the duration of the run allows us to eventually find a more rapid, vital exchange.

I'll try and be concrete about some things that don't work as well (extending from my previous, more abstract reflection).

The space can feel rather flat. I would want to see congregations and disaggregations at different widths and particulary depths.

I enjoy when we are very close together, and in many of these moments the touch (mostly a hand laid on a shoulder) feels off.

It seems we each have several modalities, in terms of rhythm and effort and so on, which appear cyclically. I would want to see a more fluid interplay of modulation, which would feel into our collective interrelations.

I want to see the faces, breath, and the rest of the body become a totality.

It is also good to remember that the presence of Roi and the soundscape will aid in finding more atmospheres, landscapes, intensities, modulations, and so on.

A sequence of images drawn from the card, cascading into one another.

Beginning. An elephant ambling

2:43. Drinking from an oasis with its trunk

3:19. Spraying the water

A human enjoying the water droplets, perhaps the feminine figure at the bottom of the card

4ish. The angle in the star, maybe a rain dance

4:50. Back to the feminine figure, recieving the light and also sending it skywards

6ish. The priest and his staff, a warrior

6:53. The priest and his shaft... Spraying... The angle in the star enjoying the droplets...

7:28. A lion.

8:00. Hearing the giggle made it clear that the lion shall stalk its pray, Suski

9:15. "Pouncing", a miserably lame lion

9:32. The elephant (-lion?) returns

9:50. The priest (-recieving and sending the light?) returns

10:45. A vulture emerges, which shall devour the corpse, Suski

11:56. A bite into the juicy tendons

On the level of what I am playing with, I feel like I could be more brave in exaggerating, particularly in charging the body with greater intensities and visceral information. I could've also perhaps worked more slowly, staying with images for longer and prolonging their transformations, which would've supported charging the body.

On the level of what works for me, I quite enjoy this duet and the interrelations between Suski and I. I have a desire for a deeper integration of the voice. I have a desire for greater fluctuation in "volume", and longer sequences of motions entangled - perhaps these come organically in longer sessions.

I really enjoyed this duet. The exaggeration is giving ancient oriental performance, face masks and clear (albeit "flat") images. As these images are intelligible to me as a spectator from the get-go, I am invited to play a game of meaning-making that is more in-line with my understanding of Azathoth.

The use of sound (Mate's breath around 4:30) made the interrelations clear, without relying on line-of-sight or great physical proximity. While that sense of magical seperation and coinciding is risked at 5:30ish, Mate's decision to close his eyes helps facilitate the illusion of void: an inexplicable, intensly unknowable force making sense of chaos and chaos of sense, an uncanny serendipity.

The contact at 8:30 is interesting. Initally, it seems like to planets/constellations clashing, or almost clashing, the tension of a gravitational push and pull. They then, at 9:50ish, almost become one, as if occupying the same space but maintaining their own mass, or their masses conjoined in the same space charging it with density. I like that this process is gradual and given time to explore itself.

Thinking on what Raz said, regarding the battle of the ego, overwhelmed with desire and potentials, and Azathoth, the totality of what is and isn't. This quandary then echos in the run, where many approaches both support one another, and collide. Fractions of second where the "brain" contracts", trying to tinker with these decisions and remain tethered to Azathoth. Finding sanctuary in others can be of great aid, a deference both relevant and tricky.

Following Omer's humble imploration following today's rehearsal I will grab the opportunity to reflect on what I find useful about about working with the catalogue.

Honestly the only part I find useful about the practice of the past few days is the writing - it gives me some opportunity to share what's on my mind and not feel so isolated in this process. In which process a degree of isolation is inherent because of the nature of the work - all four of us work on our own way.

It also helps me clear my own relation to the process.

Watching the videos I dont truly find useful for myself - except for an occasional discouragement of 'oh it looks worse then I thought, or encouragement of 'oh this looks kinda interesting'.

But these thoughts do not really inform how I work in the studio.

This is not to say Im very impressed with the catalogue format online - its the first of its kind I have ever encountered.

After today's Run I have found myself with a feeling of familiarity and calm.

Did I get used to it?

Can we get used to performing this piece?

8:05 -8:38

i see a play ground. we r kids playing and getting excited by each other's excitment. because there is a clear emotion or energy in the space, there is also a clear texture to the space. it is suddenly gives clarity to the room.

i also see that perhaps because of the small space, we are very concentrated on out individual journys and when we meet it feels slightly off to me. but i do think its something with the size of the space.

this run feels like a sample, but it lacks for me some more movement in space, some more rythm changes. a certain loudness

i kinda want to answer all three questions and not just the one i chose. lets see how it goes.

so as i said earlier today i felt very shit this run. but as i knew i feel shit when starting it, i wanted to lean on some of the technincs we developed that i find helpful- i start slowly. i let my first position and feeling in that moment to inform my next move. to then create some 'form' (that can be gesture, position, repetative movement, a location in space, a certain attitude) that will guide me through the current azathot. so baysically create a immediate myth/symbolism that will tell me who i am this time arround. in a way finding my tarrot card without an actual tarrot. in this run, i did that, but unfortunatly it didnt succed in trancending to something interesting enough to my opinion. it stayed quire flat. but when it is a good one, ideally textures, furhter details, past lives, aspirations arrise within the aza.

9:48-10:20

works for me as it has rippels, waves of reaction to a quality of shaking. and we move in space.

i wanted to write more but my head is a bit messy now. tomorrow will be clearer. so thats it for now

I am playing with the tool Suski and Raz discussed in our watching of "4: Run": Taking the first idea - in terms of image, shape, intention, and so on - and running with it, finding variations of it throughout the run as an anchor and theme. Here, my first image was Miquella's Egg, his deformed arm reaching out. I find this tool really powerful, but also at times limiting; once the theme is established, it can feel singular and awkward to deviate from. Perhaps we can be working with multiple themes on an individual level, modulating and alternating and combining them. Then, these individual themes could inform more multiple and complex themes as a group. In this run, I saw collective themes of leaning and precarious stillness, particularly in repeating silhouettes.

Somatically, from the tune-in-warm-up I played with releasing the muscles and allowing the movement the time it organically needs/facilitates. This has a grounding effect for the weight and shift thereof. Adding to that play precarious balance provides a motor for motion and continuity. How can I extrapolate these ideas into my work with image-manipulation, with the relationship between imagination and movement as aspects of a whole, embodiment?

Raz mentioning that she noticed this theme at 38:49 made me think. How capable am I of noticing other people's playing, attending and being available to their journies over spacetime? Perhaps returning to the use of voice to facilitate communication can aid. Also, being more clear with "space-memory", to help us and a potential spectator interact with the accumulating themes.

I agree with Raz that this duet is a bit "boring". Both of our doings are somewhat static, which was apparently a conscious decision of us both. This does facilitate moments of very delicate relating, mostly frrom 6:30 onwards. In particular, 7:40, which Suski spoke about as we walked home that day. What doesn't work as much is that the individual images can feel representitive, or otherwise not heavy/saturated with visceral content. How to make an image fully embodied, heavy, exciting as both an experience and expression to an outside eye?

I can see this duet as a B-narrative for "5: Suski & Mate 1", or more generally as a supporting constellation. Ah, I like the word constellation for this discourse.

The beginning really works for me. The individual images becoming crisp, exchanging intensities and attention fluidly and clearly. Thus, collectively informing an interesting image.

4:53. The flux is endangered by Mate deciding to approach Suski. I would've desired to see Suski develop this interesting moment further, to be left to her own devices, organically expanding into the space to find a relating to Mate. Or otherwise, another moment before Mate initiates a relating - it is a matter of seconds. I do enjoy the sequence that comes after, the rhizomatic relating and separation of realities reestablished, up until...

6:45. I really enjoy Suski's material here. The process of transformation feels continuous and charged, playing with emergent logics. It makes "sense" to me, but not in a way I can (or would want to) easily describe. I can realte to Mate's material, particularly as it enhanced Suski's doing. But, his lingering, direct gaze towards her doesn't work for me.  Perhaps as Suski's material is quite clear, it is also trickier to relate, but here "solo" lasts to the extent of harmony. I would've wanted another material to evolve from Mate, perhaps inspired by Suski's doing and departing. Then they can be seen in relation to one another, particularly without a clear intention of relating. When they laugh together, the precarious effect of this composition on the magic shows: the illusion is broken and we're back to a simple reality. Perhaps finding moments of simple reality could be interesting, but would require tuning. Two practitioners coinciding with laughter, for different reasons and qualities, would've worked better for me.

Solo is about Dorian Gray for me.

"What happens to an image when it is being cooked?

Boiled down to its bones?

What remains at its core?

Then he grinds the bones.

What do you do with the dust?

You rest."

Reflections on myself:

I see a clear line of today with myself with working with simple imagery and trying to understand those. I am excited how I can expand that vocabulary further. Though, I have to confess that looking at the video I am a bit worried that perhaps the material that I am suggesting is not illegible, or interesting as I see Mate at one point towards the end stopping and looking at the me. Perhaps I am not offering material that can be relatable, relational?

i am again confused about the use of sounds . in this run there is a lot of sound being produced, and i feel it sometimes as a cover for not building a clear enough intention through the body. and the sound doesnt last long enough, than as a spectator idk how to read it and how to let it be recieved by me.

i dont know really. i also like it.

This is a short story I wrote while watching the solo. I followed the imagery storytelling that the solo was evoking:

A praying man making a soup. He is one of the ingredients, a crab. It's the boiling water that makes you fall back and end things. The soup is ready. Now let's gather but first let's invite God. The the crab comes back alive again. And we repeat the sequence turning back time. Until time becomes the soup. Now we are all birds. And we hold our balls as they are heavy. Now the birds are eating our balls like apples from the trees. Is he the apple tree? Now the wind blows, and he is moved not moving. Then the crab comes back, the falling and the praying man. Who turns into a tree by giving his apples to the birds. But wait a dog arrived.

This the second time I am writing this, cause I lost all of it because Im writing on my phone so bear with me my friends.

Most of this post is about me as I have a need to rediscover some of the things I enjoyed doing.

00:00I like the clarity of the fact that we Enter and begin. I like that as I start, I already have something to do, and I dont have to pretend Im waiting for something. It was and is already happening. In the beginning Im using a simple principle of trying to hide the shifting directional intentions I make within a muscularly challenging position.

As it develops I get a sense that I had less worry for the safety of my body - I did not worry about getting a bit fucked up.

6:18 Suski's seal movements. The extremities in physicality can already manifest at this early minute. And they CAN do so without causing a narratice climax.

Even if I'm moving slow I'm trying to maintin the precariousness of my balance. This is it, this is what I miss from my life lately: precarious balance - opposing forces simultaneously in the body.

Our gazes are generally more out - for me its just more engaging to watch.

7:13 Omer's solo.

7:50 I sound like Morty.

More space for tension. Yet the tension is not anxious like in Dock, the tension is CONCENTRATED.

In general I see a wider variety of physical qualities in everyone.

15.42 Raz's walk.

Besides all this I like this video also because the clothes we all wear, the largeness of the space, the buildup of the sound/music is much to my taste

generally speaking i find it a bit boring. but i do remember from doing it that i had a different apprach at some point from other times, which was to only be tripping over omer. i was wanting to become a witch that can read auoras and manipulate them, a healer. it was funny and fun, idk how fun to watch.

4:00

i like it that some images are static or stationary and others are moving.

6:49

composition wise we are forming a structure but we are so busy withourselvs. this contadiction is good . maybe we shouldnt be afraid of convantions. sometimes to use to kitch tools of dance to aid us in this chaos. they were made for a reason

8:35-

i like again how all of us are making a similar action differently . it continues after this rubbing to a communal distant masturbation of the space. how do we feel about that? about finding a repitition of someone, taking it to our own body fantasy, and by that creaing a shared image? how do we feel again about the cheap tricks of contamporary /modern dance?

13:15

good listening. the imgae is like a mirror- me and omer see mate and susanna and we are actually the same two people reflecting. we are the ghosts of each other.

19:15- this whole duet- that was a moment with suski that felt new to me in the context of azathot. i allowed myslef to really be together with suski. i imagined out two worlds merge into one world. that was fun

Is it to constantly do something? To be something? Or practically is it to consistently perform? Even to do the un-performing? Sounding and un-sounding?

There are questions in the nothingness.

When there is nothing to be heard.

Group activation through individual passivity. Contamination of bodies. Bodies being contaminated by virus's, bacteria and set in motion.

What is in front of us is easy to see.

Obsession and insisting on not letting go of that un-named acknowledgment, of not exiting. Struggle and strife of an attempt. There is a lot of trying.

Different temporalities in establishing a theme, a motiv and then dwelling, exploring and expanding, developping and finding variations of that motiv, theme. Like a classical music composition. How are we when a past motiv/theme returns and reruns itself?

What is composition in this sense? Is this consistency? Maybe childish, but one can see us as different instruments based on each motiv theme, if we maintain a certain clarity, honesty, commitment, and understandment.

There is a drawing I want to make:

The difference when we carry our inhabited world with us. How big it is - reaching out to the space, when it closes around us and opens, like the lungs of a fish.

Or, like raz in this run, breaks the hymen as a periodical practice.

Or then when we build a world and let it dissapear gradually (like sand through fingertips), and then start to gather (material) again.

One action can have, contain the power of gathering all spread, happened information as one mysterious knowledge that makes sense.

The fluxus between blurry nothingness and clarity of simplicity of an action that doesn't answer.

Jesus

Different starting times and tensions/density's. Either a clear beginning position, starting from outside, or easing into it (from a quotidian body to a performative body).

A precarious balance in listening - sound composition. There is tension in silence.

The talk of Omer and me reminds me of the future split excersice.

There is a group rhytmicality. Very simple and raw of when something serves as a first beat to iniate something in ripple/vibration through the whole group. How long do we sustain this wave? In this regards, How can we ride and colour the density of the space? Support, add on, counterbalance and contradict.

The weight of the space is very clear.

it's like passing on the baton. Omer whines, raz dances and I sing. The attention is guided to focus and then to open. When something is saturated and when something dissipates. A solo, a group. Micro, macro.

end is just sound

There are moments and sequences, qualities I really like. But also, the run does really hold together. The space is clearly very cramped, which forces/invites us into a constant interrelation, even from the sole fact that bodies occupy space. This does create a interesting sense of a composition blob, and solos appearing from a thicket of bodies. Less ideal is that there’s less potential for composition, which quickly dries up particularly with our rapidly shifting. That sense of rapidity is apparent in the quality of transformation, a lot of “this… now this”. An erraticism that blurs a sense of continuity, of accumulation of information and meaning. And with that, the individual “images” themselves present rather vague, subtle ones lost in the frenzy. Altogether, this generates a very different effect to the current Azathoth. Perhaps one more true to a sense of cosmic chaos, discord. But also, at times utterly uncommunicative. With discord must come harmony so they can both be undone – void.

I’m thinking of frontality. Of how lame and frustrating it feels for the composition to be just so slightly off from a locked perspective, it doesn't click. One approach to this is Maria’s, who inquisitively changes fronts. For the filming, maybe it’d be helpful to think of a singular, curved front, and work relative to that idea when filming in preparation weeks.

I do speak and sing a lot here. I do understand why it’s jarring – disruptive and hierarchy-informing – when only I do it. I do however wonder if another approach is to bring words back and make them work. To develop confidence in the quality and capacity of vocalization as a group.

Practically, we could be more decisive about beginnings and endings.

ok firstly i love this video, i think it shows azathot in a really cool way. i think maybe if u agree, we can consider applying the video work that india did here to also use it in the residency. i like the randomness and messyness of the movement of the camera. it speaks very much azathotian language. i see planets orbiting within the same space, functioning within the same gravitational rules. but very alien like. i see madness i see osho community in the form of contemporary dance performance art vibe. it works very well for me. there is something in this video that i see more bravery in our performative states, and in our energy. the camera is zooming in and out going in and out of focous and so are we. sometimes someone quites down when someone else is intensifying. but even when something is quite, the intensity remains.

i remember this task. it is cute and was a good place start from. but now watching it it feels like it s not a good engine to generate movement from. i feel like this work demands a moch more somatic approach . not neccecerily somatic in this gentelness , but that it needs to come from within, to grow out from the body. here i see images rising from words, and concepts. feels a bit shallow somehow. btw idk if im doing this reflection well cuz its hard for me the seperate judgments from my observations . :)

though there is something very light and playfull in the reaction that this task allowed. maybe cuz the reaction to the words, to the story is so immediate , then it is acting accordingly. another remainder of how 'stupid' things (in this case- this simple task) enables spontanious spirit and lightness and joy.

Looking at the group.

Committing to the void had its power from the get-go: that beginning quiet and the shift in atmosphere, and the seeds/cores of each of our approaches.

That having been said, the tools we had developed since are as crucial as they are sorely missing here. In particular, the breaks in continuity really suck! Another powerful tools, MIA, is slowing things down, slowing the transformation from image to image and saturating each image by suspending it. This is particularly apparent in moment of encounter between two practitioners, which are often undone before they were given the opportunity to resonate through the space. For example, Mate and Omer at minute-nine, a moment disposed of before it was embraced, perhaps due to the physical awkwardness. Or Mate and Suski at minute-thirteen. A similar example is the use of music, which is also haphazard. While the music Mate played at minute-fifteen-and-a-half was wonderful in charging the space, bringing life and clarity to it, it could’ve certainly been welcomed for longer.

Looking at myself.

Singing, verbalizing and vocalizing, at minute-six almost works here. Yet, while it strongly resonates and as such shifts the space, that shift feels fleeting and incomplete; spacetime shaken and then mostly settling back to where it had been. Nonetheless, it does seem to open the voice-channel for the others, which is again apparent with Raz and Suski at minute-twenty. In this way, voice aids in the invisible communication and enhances the serendipitous relations between practitioners.

I notice that twice when I go to vocalize, I stay in a still position. Maybe overcoming the awkwardness of singing while moving, which can feel “musical-y” and risks breaking the aesthetic, could open new possibilities.

I remember watching videos from that time and hating how my cloths made my body look. Noticing how out of shape I am, particularly in moments of weight shift and balance. And, how my pelvis seems so stuck, the knees never quite bending, the lower back either upright or awkwardly tilted forward. A lack of mobility which leads to a stagnation of shape and movement, limiting the vocabulary of expression. I think I got better with those things, or at least more attentive to them.

Also, I see that I often start a transformation from a sort of pulsing; a back-and-forth “shake” in mostly my shoulders and arms. Then, slipping into a constant, slow-motion temporality and controlled momentum. I’ve learnt since that it’s more effective to start from suspension, and then allow the image to grow in range and articulation of movement.

Further notes.

The colored light in a “white box” has its potential in enhancing the composition of silhouettes and setting a surreal atmosphere.

It might be necessary to slightly trim the videos. As a viewer, I want to get right into the action. While witnessing the dynamics of the group before and after a session can be interesting, or at least whimsical, it might be overall redundant.

I could be better, as a facilitator, in beginning and ending sessions. Being more concise, soft, and positive. “Let’s being”, and “thank you, let’s end here and return to it tomorrow”.

The sea-curse monologue from The Lighthouse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrekMzfC7Gw&ab_channel=CinephileClub

Inspiring both in the contrast of the eminence of the text and the dirtiness of the seamen and in its execution, but also the words and content of the curse itself. Sometimes I think of imitating these sailors, other times I would just think of the elevation and mood of this scene.

Prophetic visions - Teiresias

I have often return to the idea of articulating that which I dont understand, which quality, if I have to name, I would call the prophet, or Teiresias. Teiresias is an oracle in greek mythology - appearing among others, in Oediupus - who is often portrayed wearing a skirt, having been both man and woman in his life. His curse is knowing the future, but never being believed. I would say this character has a strong tendency to articulate its arms.

The Crying King

Is a character connected to a lot of crying and medieval imagery I use. This has no exact reference outside of the piece, and was born of the piece. It is easily provoked by laying bodies, and often follows climaxes.

Principles discussed early in the process

Precarious Balance - This idea is one of the basic things I try to work with in the runs, trying out different interpretations of it, also as simple physical tasks - Maintaining certain tensions and opposition of directions in myself, making myself heavier - I often think of balinese dancing in relation to this - because of is clarity and drama, but mostly because it is where I see this principle manifest with true vigour.

I could also mention another balinese tradition we discussed with Roi:

The Kris dances of Bali, where dancers through a state of trance seem to become invulnerable to the their kris-knifes that they repeatedly stab themselves with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8YC0dnj4Jw&ab_channel=LibraryofCongress

Thoughts on Maayan's feedback.

He begins by congratulating us on what he felt was the best flow of spacetime he's seen from Azathoth so far. The exchange of interrelations - coming together and seperating, infusing and defusing - felt organic and the waves/chapters felt percise.

When we pry a bit further, it can be inferred that some of the things we've been working on are not yet (or not consistently) palpable/interactable to a spectator.

The exchange of interrelations, the ups and downs and ebbs and flows, formed a "constant" of intensity after the beginning build-up. We want to explore/manifest a wider breadth of atmoshperes and landscapes, for the space to breath through extremes as the practice condenses.

This feeling of a "constant" also means that the spectator's position/experience relative to Azathoth didn't transcend in the way we desire. Azathoth could begin by establishing an aesthetic experience, but one that mutates beyond symbols and beauties. As the material takes over, gaining a bizzare autonomy as the density coalesces, the fantasy shall engulf the space and the spectators with it. They, with both elations and uncanny dread, shall see and hear, sense Azathoth. Once the fantasy takes form, flesh and bones and stardust, which in and of itself is "unnatural" and "monsterous", the games with play with it and its gradual unravelling will be unbearably engaging.

This process can be supported by the work on motifs, which Maayan also didn't feel was foreground. Motifs can establish this sense of "systems" or languages, that through their accumulation in spacetime change their quality and the way we relate to them. Anchors which support the journey from perception to immersion as their meanings twist and bend and they gain a compulsive and unspeakable presence. It gives us, practitioners and spectators alike, a thread to follow in the practice-based dramaturgical process.

It is clear that all these aspects come together through the practice. And, I have a wonderful feeling that we all "know" how we might approach them, individually and collectively. So let's rock it babes!

I wanted to use this more free format of today, to think out loud on a technical aspect of how we, and I shift from image to image.

Im primarily concerned with those occasions when I feel not an urge, but a strong boding that what would serve the composition is a more dynamic ALMOST sudden change in my behaviour.

Between the echoes, a sharp cut of a scythe.

When I look at the runs, in the physical momentum of the bodies Azathoth manifests in a continous and fluctuating transformation of states and images that almost always emerge in a very GRADUAL way.

In the sense of dramaturgy I percieve and consider the intensity as such (see graf1 in facebook)

I wonder about those moments when the emergence is more immediate.

These moments do not make up the whole piece, but I believe they serve them well.

Most often I notice them happening through music. A sudden bell takes us to church, a sound of paper reveals the pile of burnt books, a sound of flute reveals the distant dawning of a red red sun, etc.

At the moment Im looking for ways to enable these unveilings to happen both with and IN SPITE of the music. A sudden blink reveals the eye in the middle of my back, a turn makes the emperor a hanged man, a gaze at the other makes individuals into a group etc.

Excuse the corn: its distant sparks that give the Void its debth.

*** I agree with mate that it is in a way clear and simple the point where we r now. To keep communication, dialogue, with aza, with aza in relation to roi and lie music, while maintaining and developing all the tools and observations we have collected .

** i like this one. i feel we are all very patient with what we do and letting things be born in their own rythm. also roi. i feel that this patiance is making the aza evolve quite organiclly- things become to be. if it is an image, a feeling, a shift of space and of energy. my diagnosis is that the patiance is what enabled it. we have a soft listening to what we and what the space needs.

Firstly - camera thougt. I dont really see the point in having a 'side' camera that is like this one, not zooming or moving. It is much clearer to then just have one front. Feels a bit pointless to me, unless it is able to zoom or to move with us. If not then rather better to commit to a frontal version azathot.

i still stand by what i said yestereday about the music. i feel like the music can go through a similar process to us. in the beginning we allow slowness and vagueness to be. until a clear image arrise. but then once a clear image arrise we do an open heart surgery on it. so we know its insides, its textures, colors and so on. i feel for too long in this run the music and us stay in thee vagueness. (idk how to spell this word). for example from 17:00-18:00 more or less, i feel we manage collectivelly to creat in the space a clear imgae that has shape color energy and so on.

also from 24:30 i remember and see it now in the video, that the music there gave me such a clear quality to the body, and it aided me to find clarity in my image.

* i had a thought yestereday with suski on the train back. i wonder about another layer of the performatie experience of aza. i wonder how or if we can use exposing a bit of the mechanism of the work for owr own benefit. in a way what we discusses last week about creating systems that are clearly systmems but not clear of what- it is one way of doing what i am saying. but i wonder of a more performative quality of that. i am not sue yet entirely what i mean by that tbh.

Ok, a lot of thoughts. I quite enjoyed this “Azathoth miniature”.

I see a beautiful exchange of physical effort and momentum. For me, the first image was laying on the ground and embracing the sunlight, a familiar sensation filled my body (I remember a similar thing happening when I drew Fortune on Thursday). Resolving the desire to play, to unfold that sensation through movement, I gathered minimal effort to arise so to release back into the embrace of the sun. When I later became a reclining woman, that quality of tension (or lack thereof) remained and transformed, which I feel gave these images clarity and a sense of continuity. I feel a similar exchange of tension within the other bodies, within the music, and through their interrelations. It’s quite incredible how bodies can relate and communicate on the level of sensation. I also quite enjoy when Azathoth communicates through shape and gesture and beyond, but this quality is somehow new to me, and I like it. Maybe this is one way to think of “distilling” an image.

(The downside perhaps is that within it, physical “mishaps” are more frequent, which can occasionally “throw off” the fantasy. The bodies inability to become else, more than itself, is at times frustrating. Another thing, it is challenging and rewarding to maintain a continuity of tension and abruptly changing intention/quality – “leaping” repetitions as it would be for Meisner.)

It is also particularly exciting when such “tensions” become motifs, recurring in different constellations. Generally, I feel like this miniature has a nice sense of coherence and theme. I do think we can make these miniatures longer (medi-atures if you will), so the themes are given time to twist and morph, for the space to utterly change the way it feels, “breathes”. This capacity of the practice is something we speak more and more of when watching the runs, it has gained urgency. Maybe the endings of these medi-atures should maintain their trajectory, towards the point where the Old Ones break through, and not fizzle out.

Onto beginnings, it doesn’t work for me that they can feel like waiting for something to happen. Or are at least not particular enough in that quality when it emerges. I would rather be given a moment to orientate (as a practitioner and as a spectator), and then “puhhh” the first fall leaf has begun its descent just as the first blossom of spring gently springs open. For this energy to gradually fill the space as the bodies animate, their doing, as the call of the void grows is presence, some other and endless, the air becoming thick. I do like the tension that is in the beginning silence, and then the magic of the collective blossoming. I do think it’s crucial for the beginning to be delicate, much as our tuning into Azathoth is. And I also like that they remain soft and only gradually grow in density. But also, I think the beginnings can use some fine tuning. (Thinking of Roi’s physical presence as the musician, I feel his body enacting the soundscape very interesting, but in the “waiting for something to happen” it seems to me foreign to the aesthetic.)

Thinking on the camera. There are moments where I felt that like all the energy in the space is directed to me through the screen, which is remarkably striking and almost a bit creepy. Made me think of how I don’t feel that energy as much while in the space. It’s great that the piece is becoming clearer through the camera, and remembering to direct attention to the actual, live bodies watching and other spectral presences, can enrich our experience of spectatorship further.

Thinking on the music. I really like how the soundscape supports the fantasy of the bodies and the space, of The Sun, and also maintains its own fantasy and sense of agency. It doesn’t really work for me when the music stops completely, or abruptly as it does at times here. There’s a beauty to allowing the body to sound, giving space to that soundscape, but also these “drops” are precarious in that they risk the continuity of the fantasy, which I feel is crucial for its accumulation of density. Also, there is something peculiar about the change of texture, almost of language that the sample of the old recording brings at around 12:35. Within this miniature, it felt (watching, I don’t remember specifically about when doing) sort of out of left field, but it also jarred the bodies and the space in an interesting way, a bit unsettling. Wondering where it would’ve evolved, how that change would’ve grown as it contaminates, diffuses, infuses, and so on. Maybe it’s a way of thinking about sound of Azathoth growing in presence, but also perhaps the quality of the soundscape in this miniature so far was just specific to The Sun – probably both.

I thinl the end part worked for. somewhere after the theme begins a lush musical texture and if I remember correctly somthing gets a bit more loose collectivly in a positive manner.

but i felt a bit disappointed watching this run beacuse not a lot of things worked for me. generally speaking i felt like it didnt really click. smothing about the duration and energy of the music was to slow and slugish. and during the run I had a hard time trying to comunicate with you. i feel the when the dancers are in a very soft a slow state it's much more difficult for me to interact with them. it felt a bit flat for and im trying to fgure out why.

another thing that i would like to remember is that the "music that never ends part" should come much later. this whole run was the music that never ends.it i think it had part in why it felt flat. there are some moments that felt dramaturgicaly good.

20 minutes mark: Azatoth is coming, the ritual has kicked off

30 minuts mark: the foot steps of azatoth

35 mintus mark: the theme, Azatith's arrival

This is a self-reflection on what I was playing today with:

Today, I was working with patterns that emerge from the imagination. With patterns I mean repeating forms, rhythyms, qualities and literal movement patterns. I was curious with how to further work with how these patterns that emerge at the very beginning of each run, excerise (as the first qestures or actions, first decision so to speak) - so how do those patterns transfrom and are influenced by both "doing and so realizing" them as well as through the contamination of others.

This reflection from my side can be placed to any of what i was attempting to work with today. But decided to mark it to this video, as I really enjoyed this quartet.

As a bonus a little quotation from Mary Douglas and her book 'Purity and danger':

"Reflection on dirt involves the reflection on the relation of order to disorder, being to non-being, form to formlessness, life to death."

The theme of lightness reminded me that Azathoth is, in some ways, a game. A game I play with myself, with the spectators, and with the group. Playing a game as such informed a sense of creativity and of mischievousness. Ooo this image was like this, what if I do it like that but there? Exaggeration here became a game of mime, in the sense that the action is done along with the spectator. Ooo what if I make the image super clear for a fraction of a beat? Or, let me give the spectator time to recognize this silhouette, and then twist the living hell out of it. Playing with the other practitioners felt more precarious, but watching the videos there are many moments where the game is happening, it's just that it's frame is multiple.

This "playing" also allowed me to stay with things for longer: not prolonging, but simply allowing them time. And in that, find somatic listening and joy in the play with myself and beyond.

I am also becoming more comfortable returning to qualities and images that worked for me in the past, knowing that they will be different in their return as they relate to a new spacetime. Returning is also an opportunity to reflect on why an image stayed with me, and play with its charge. From that day, Fortune felt great.

The lightness also coincided with a desire to allow my thoughts and reactions as Omer become a part of the playing. There are several moments where that approach allowed for very specific and peculiar interrelations.

What is a strong proposition?

The material that works for me exists simultaneously alone as well as within the collective composition. Material that doesn't not exist alone does not work. Aka, the material needs to have both its autonomy and acknowledgment of the group. Neither should be "sacrificied". The material needs to create a sense of a "story, logic".

(I am also writing on "8: Omer, Raz & Suski")

I really enjoy these trios. I feel there are many moments which create the sense of disparate images, from different times and spaces, in different aesthetics and qualities of appearance, coinciding and colliding. Forming these bizzare and exciting relations by simply coexisting, at times suddenly echoing through one another as if their cosmic-radiation resonates across the gap, forming miraculous constellations of meaning. It gives me a sense of calm cosmicism, in line with today's theme of treating the practice, the cosmos, with lightness.

But maybe this calm cosmicism isn't specific enough to Azathoth. Both in the sense of this "everything-anything-nothing" of the void is certainly more than calm. It has fervour, anxiety, introspection, trouble. Echoing both Raz's and Suski's reflections, I also desire more density and tension, fluctuation of volume and emotion, complex rhythms forming gorgeous polyphonies across infinite genres. For the atmospheres and landscape to transform, for the space to breath in different ways.

And, in the sense that perhaps Azathoth is more specifically about cosmic dread, and for me a (somewhat optimistic) embrace of the void and the fears it conjures: not everything can be known, you are not in control, your own meaning and identity are unstable, and more. How do we approach charging the dramaturgy in that way? Perhaps it also feeds into this desire for radical changes and emotional charge. Made me think of Bloodborne's "Insight-meter". As you play the game and encounter various deranged residents of the city of Yharnam, you gain insight. As you gain insight, you begin to see the contamination of some Lovecraftian cosmic-beings, whose presence is beginning to grow. The world around you becomes twisted and malformed, the various statues and symbols in the Victorian cityscape begin to resonate with meaning and logic. And then, you encounter one of the cosmic-kin, Rom the Vacuous, and your insight skyrockets. The moon of the eternal night turns red as the Great Ones manifest in this reality.

To echo Raz's reflection on this run, I agree. The moments that work for me have a clarity and particularity in charged densities or a shared density. At these moments I notice new memories being imprinted on me as a viewer, I am taken with, I get engaged and curious. In this run, there are less landscapes/athmospheres/environments compared to the previous ones this week, and i wonder how can we maintain the sense of lanscape/environment/athmosphere (clashing, drastically different, conflicting, harmonious, soft, harsh, silent, loud etc.) when the bodies are more animated? It happens sometimes and i can see it as a practice to continue onwards.

I feel we can all be a bit more aware in how we compose the space, perhaps what raz wrote in her reflection could aid us. The spatial composition is not so interesting in this one, I feel we could try to be more radical also in the spatial composition as well as the temporal composition. I do enjoy in this run that it feels as if the space was "breathing" but i wonder how to play with that? What if the space gets suprised and starts to hiccup? The space gets scared and it holds it breath, shallowing it? What it is if the space is holding its breath? Releasing it? So the overall rhythym of the whole work doesn't get so predictable.

generally speaking, watching this made me want for aza to be a bit more chrged emotionally. that the things we do would have (not every single thing but sometimes) a certain emotional baggauge or intention or smell or color. when i has that, it gives a lot to the space, and a lot of information to each other to work with. when someone is producing material that has a certain emotional intensity, it is very suppportive to the rest, to know if to join or counter- and how. perhaps this is one suggestion to answer suski question from yesterday about commentary.

another thought i have from watching the run-

in the last shows, the stage design aided us with the devision of spaces, to then aid with the clear seperaion between the different worlds and things that r happening. now we dont have that. how can we sometimes bring it back ourselves? composing the space with this notion in mind- creating frames with our movements and actions that will made frames/bridges/buldings/constructions to the space. i feel aza needs shapes. as i wrote before about symbols. the symbols can apear big and small. individually and collectivly. we do that already, just wanted to write it down, cuz when i see it i like it. and it is a breath of freash air inside the chaos and blur

In todays reflection I will be answering the question both in regards to the video and to this process.

To allow myself a heartfelt reflection here, I still have no idea what this process is about, and it is a process of daily struggle to feel not understood, and not understanding what we are speaking of. Then occasionaly on the videos I find that I move unusually and thats kinda reassuring - I am playing with unfamiliar qualities.

So I find it hard to be sincere or too worried about rehearsals - I am looking for different things to play with.

How I try to work within a process like this - to answer the question What am I playing with - is indeed I aim to be playful. If I already am in the non understanding why would I condemn myself for my mistakes?

I aim every single day to find something to do that I find interesting to watch AND to do. I do this while doing the runs or the duets, and very rarely outside of them. I do this during the doing.

Today in this session with the Devil of a Raz, I, inspired by the fact that my sign, the cancer was located at the six oclock of my card, the Sun, I decided to play with this number. Number 6.

I allowed it to manifest as different rhytms in my movement, and if I have found something I am doing I would repeat it 6 times, or 36 times.

Also my quality and my positions were informed by my interpretation of the sun. Cyclical, warm, visually spreading, its fire embracing.

While using the exxagaration task as something that allowed me to be brave in my gestures, and not to worry about how it looks. Funny enough Omer said it was one of his favourite so far.

This entry also includes reflections from the duets of today. I am generally suprised, I strongly see a bar that has been set. And I am happy for this. In this run, as well as in all of todays duets - there is this beautiful precarity of blurring the lines of what is an individual story and that of the others. At moments it seems we collectively, or in duos, trios, solos seem to be "telling the same story", yet as a viewer it rises questions - is this really the truth? And I do enjoy that it is being constantly challenged: is it the same story, or is it not? This makes me very excited to return to the practice tomorrow. I can see us testing the boundaries and incorporating bravery and yes - let's be even more brave. I could almost see these sticky lines connecting us, also in the duets. And I am curious if these lines can have other "qualities/textures". For myself, i want to enter even more the uncomfortable places as those seem to work compositionally the best for me.

I have question of "commentary". When we comment on what we are doing, what others are doing, how we are feeling about the situation. I feel Raz and Omer do this in a "fitting" way, like becoming narrators that open another space, an alternative reading that invites the multiplicity to the surface, tangible and relatable: inviting a gravitational pull towards the work (from the spectator side: I'm falling into it). I feel me and Mate don't have this, and it feels we diminuish Azathoth in a way that I don't perceive fitting. It would be nice to perhaps have a short discussion tomorrow in the lunch break regarding the question on giving commentary. I will also try to reflect and find concerete practical examples.

I can really see the developing sense of collectivity and interrelations. It works for me that there is a gradual complexity-curve. Initially, slight and delicate movements, inviting me to enjoy and seek detail. Then, serendiptious moments of echoing shapes, often through rising forearms. And, moments of synchronous locomotion, vectors and momentum of movement, perhaps even similar qualities of effort. Inviting me to seek relations between the bodies and their doings. Once this "language" is established, I can enjoy its deepening and widening. Moments such as 12:30, the fire understood and proliferated through the space, things igniting and dispersing. A more complex composition, and one I was prepared to enjoy. Or what might be the "climax" of this run in terms of interrelational-complexity, the process from 33:30 onwards of duets becoming a quartet, the space undone as the run comes to an end.

As our understanding of this tool grows, it becomes time to test its limits. I see a lot of encounters found in close proximity, and a repeating ebb of stillness and locomotion, suspension and sudden change. While these aspects are clearly more defined and developed, they are starting to feel predictable and stale. Let's find more bravery/tension/struggle/trouble, and with that more percision and crispness. Let's surprise each other with radical propositions, and enjoy their preacrity as we find their integration and tune.

Note: We all spoke of how the camera being far, the bodies being small, details diminished, is frustrating. It is time to think of how the camera can relatively efffectively capture/portary the magic of Azathoth.

Hello, Its Mate here.

As a practitiner I enjoy if there is something clear at hand that I can always go back to, and maintain throughout these exercises. In this case and the last two days I was using some things I have interpreted from the concept of precarious balance.

Already the beginning, Also here and in other runs I have been enjoying where there are moments given for only one body to be in visible motion in space. It clears the space.

4.55 For example here I wish I had stayed still.

5.43 What Raz does here is to my taste.

8.06 Here I annoy myself. Azathoth for me is not miming with our arms, with eyes closed, looking like we are stumbling about in a dark room.

10.44 The clap of Raz provokes here a process, lasting till the end, that is interesting to look at.

For the first four minutes, I enjoy the clarity of composition, and the very delicate interrelations between the two. I feel they create an image together, be it one that isn't particularly exuberant. It also enjoy that each practitioner is working within a somewhat intelligibile logic as a frame, the frames gradually unraveling as the relation forms.

04:49. I see Mate as a practitioner, making a decision to go towards Suski. These moments don't work for me, as (for me) the magic is when the practitioner disappears into the material, the decision melting into the doing - supported by our developing know-how. It's a nuance of quality which makes a big difference: I would've wanted it to feel like he was being pulled by some force, or simply finding himself near her. This decision to shift closer to Suski does pay off at...

5:41-7:00. Really strong to collectively bring attention (through different qualities) to another space, an entity beyond normal sight but also very much tangible.

7:00-10:00. This sequence is tricky. On the one hand, it can be really satisfying for momenta and shape to echo between bodies. On the other, I once again see a very direct relating, a ping-pong from another improvisational aesthetic, which break the illusion for me. Also: On the one hand, it is interesting to find human moments of touch, a gentle image within the abscure. On the other, it can become a contact-improvisational moment, the practice divulged and the magic risked.

10:00-. After I experienced some frustration as a spectator from rather direct interrelating, their undoing works for me. The two bodies separated, almost as if back to the state-and-logic before their encounter, returned but changed.

When we start from silence, or silent things it works for me. The graduality of making the body, and so the space vibrant (and loud). The bodies, the space will start to talk. Then how to let it talk back to you?

To be in dialogue with your imagination as well as that of the space. And what is being proposed, created to the collective, to/of/from Azathoth.

When does a shift happen?

How is that dealt with?

It works for me when things become accidental encounters and collisions. It doesn't work for when it is an intentional meeting. Unless the intention comes from the body, from the imagination.

It's like planets that orbit around the same sun (Azathoth), they can perhaps affect one another and are affected by the same (the sun God Aza), but they cannot escape from their own orbital pull.

I do enjoy that the Lake Studio space is so loud - it makes all of our bodies movement very audible, like the caress of Raz and the floor. It would be cool to have microphones for the filming to record the actual space. Also, as Roi often faces challenges to simultaneously watch us and play music - we can dialogue with one another through sound.

The danger lies, that as everything becomes so loud, that sometimes the bodies become less "strong", less interesting as the sounds eat them and I can see that it is not intentional.

i thing both of u were very present in this duet. your souls where there generously. and i could feel a big trust between u two, which is a beautiful thing to watch. i dont think it is so visible in the video, but in real life (!!) it was so in my eyes.

this worked for me in this run. the video doesnt show that though

This run for me is about symmetry, that is evident from the starting point. There is a beautiful listening in the group, I feel this run symbolizes the soil, base, ground of Azathoth. From which we can expand: spiral out and spiral in from.

There was a lot of of beautiful, mystical moments to me that came to be through the collective effort. I am sorry i am not naming them now.

Today I was working intentionally with trying to figure out what it is to "spiral in" and to "spiral out".

Spiraling out: Tentacular thinking - "latching" with one's intent/attention onto something, someone, or in general "the space" (and what it contains), like a leech. Then waiting, and being available, and ready for an impuls - when/how/what the situation informs the body. Riding that initiation. Perceiving the others as "food", and being food for others as well.

Spiraling in: I started from my usual countdown (with each exhale seeing the number 3, 2, 1) Then seeing darkness - from that deep darkness that is unimaginable to the human eye finding the "light". Then going closer to that light and what one finds there as an image. While this process is going on the body is allowed to respond to it. When arriving to a clear image at the end - placing the image as well onto the other bodies in the space. With time, I noticed that this spiraling in came as questions that I found myself asking while doing Azathoth, for ex. What is the image now? (have I maintained it, has it changed etc. kind of constantly checking in) Where does the image move? What does the image need?

I see the "walls" of Azathoth very clear, tangible. Similar to the run, like a womb. A wet place that has the potentiality to grow to unimaginable dimensions. And then to break the hymen, let Azathoth be born -that cosmic horror whatever it is.

4:47

it is a moment of clarity and of intensity. the beginning of this duet in not clear form both of us i think, and this is the first moment of a clear choice that communicates to the space and to each other and that is present.

**i think i am in a moment in relation to azathot where i feel is very somatic. what i mean by that is that i feel like the moments that work for me both when i watch and when i do, are the ones that are first physically intense (that can be virtousity, range of movement, physical effort, pushing of limits, being intensly with an idea through the body) and they become intense in their imagery. i feel like when we 'demonstrate' an image; paint it rather than being it, it is not enough, or rarely it is enough. it is not that the initiation cant come from the imagination, but that it must be embodied in a way that it blurs into our cells and bones and musceles . it is not something we ''wear".

6:47

shapes are good what can we do about it. i love symbolism in azathot. makes sense in the context of azathtot as a myth ,, and it having stmbols, worshipings, rituals, superstitions , ghosts. is has to have faith. we need to believe in this cult, in this soiety, otherwise it is not a horror, cuz then there is no danger of breaking anything. we need an illusion. the fantasy being there present.

9:07

lol. loving that walk of omer plus me losing it while we comes my direction but once he arrives i stop. poetic????????

11:20

its a classic imitation thing of us having same position but doing different things in it. but it works for me. i like it as a metaphor for us all doing the same bullshit but experience it so differently.

I see a man shifting. I see beautiful states of transitions between a speaking human presence to a vague energy manifesting person which his body is subject to unexplainable impulses. After a while you sync to the ryhthem of movement and understand better. But when the text returns it asks you to change your perspective again. The delay of your mind transitioning between the two leaves you in suspense until your mind is at ease again. Syncing into the sense of the performer, transitioning into his story. I see hidden happenings . beatiful

I like the un-focused and focused camera. It serves Aza, its feeling. As well as the usage of different angles: from down, - up, partial body capture and so on.

There is something in the hand camera feeling that creates another participant in the space. Though not sure for one hour to watch a hand-camera? Might be a bit tiring for the eyes. It doesn't invite me to stay and make my own connections. It feels like someone else's private experience. I have no say as a viewer.

But definitely a part of the filming should be a hand camera experience. I feel it could connect to a lot of different world viewing experiences - like a walk, a video game: you know how when you play a video game and the camera shifts with your position in a specific way, could fit the chose your own adventure vibe and so on, the gaspar noe movie "enter the void" where the whole movie we don't see the protagonist, only through his eyes, or gaspar noe's movie "climax", where the fist 10 minutes of the movie is hard to watch as the camera mirrors the literal movements of the eyes and so constantly has a rapid shifting movement quality in itself, and then the rest of the movie (when they get high) the camera is just a one steady take and walk in - encountering different situations. Maybe we can have a movie night and watch this movie, its filmed splendidly.

My main question is: what is the autonomy of the camera? Is the camera consistent as well as we are trying to be? or the filming style differs depending on the scene we are in?

I meant to watch the same video Suski did, “8: Run 1”. Even marked ideas to relate to from her reflection. I particularly found interest in what I took to be a pondering transformation types/qualities. Between staying with an image, insisting even through its troubles as it expands and contracts and travels with. And, manifesting an image so to ever-so-slowly allow it to wilt (the original sand allegory is fab). Thinking on qualities of transformation as a tool to be wielded and yielded could be an interesting practice.

This type of beginning is interesting: the first “settling”/tuning enacted through motion and vague mumblings. In comparison to our current approach, starting from silence and stillness, the first sprouts appearing already charged with some clarity. (macro?)

The image at six-minutes-on is great. A sense of fluid contamination, of allowing the poison to flow through our veins. It also exemplifies how to approaches that were “ousted” can work. Vocalizing speech, particularly when utilized through exchange with the group as rhizomatic composition. Relating to the watching eye, perhaps when enabled for the whole group and integrated into the aesthetic, and perhaps when used as a “signature singularity” by a specific practitioner. (micro to macro?)

Looking at myself (micro?), I remember thinking at the time of this effect where an image only engaged a part of the body. And, as it engaged more of the body, finding a fuller expression, so does it become more saturated and dilated, intelligible. Issue here with my execution is that the none-engaged parts feel untreated and unutilized, and rarely in a way that works. I also rarely allow spacetime for the gradual saturation of engagement to pay off. Generally staying at a stable level of physical engagement and momentum, barring the occasional outburst. Feels like I abandoned this effect, and its partner of manifesting different images simultaneously at different places in the body. I realize now that they can be seen as advanced image-manipulations, and that they are worth returning to.

What of this sense of obligation to watch the entire video? I felt already full with information at 11:16.

slow rythem. the slow buldin of the images in the beginning is very strong and important. it makes a strong base of the space to then build on other things. it is stablizing, grounding. gives clarity to the fact that there are five different stories in the space. i think reacting to the music with the body is very important tool we should take care of. it makes coherency in the space, units the chaos. roi and the music can take the role also of a uniting force, the thing that is a reminder that we are in the same world, just experiencing it from different perspectives.

another thing that i see as powerful is taking an image and developing it not only within the body but also through a specific pathway in the space. it is shifting the space in a way that gives a feeling of a narativ, which i feel like we want and need.

watching this i worry if it is too slow in term of the audience's patience. many things are happening, but they happen slowly and they are so random to an outside eye. idk what to say about it, maybe it is also that it is boring to watch via video and not in real life. i wonder if the music can aid with this, in giving clearer ryhthems or colours to the space.

the ending? what happens? did something change? do we want to reach somewhere? or is it open for whatever happens to happen?

I see three men on a stage. One laying on the floor two moving. Spotlight. They are in a spotlight. In front of brick walls. A simple scenery: stage, brick walls, three men, spotlight.

I see a musician with machines.

Shift of music (this I hear) - the imagery of the dancers change as well.

I see different images emerge between Omer and Máté - I fantasize on them a bit:

The opening is the aftermath of a tragedy - a corpse, and a lamenting figure.

At 2:29 a fountain, then around 2:40 a shift in music comes with shift of the scene - a person(Máté) with a sword prepares to strike a monster (Omer).

And so on, shifting images until the end.

In general I see a lot of weight towards the floor - slow motion - or feet wider apart.

Hearing the music I see a kind of coherence of movement and music.

I see the two dancers are different - DOING something different, or playing different roles.

Nevertheless, the simple scenery, their costume and the music renders it somehow coherent - they seem to be part of the same world.

a lotttttttt is going on. sometimes the abundance is fun and creates a clear sensation or a feeling of reason. sometimes it just seems messy and arbiturary. i think naturally when we allowed the connections to be, rough or delicate, it is helpfull for the macro to be whole. and essentialy also the micro to not feel dumb. reactions create meanings that fertilize the micro and the macro !!!!

i also see that we all try to be interesting all the time and it is a bit exghusting to watch. the slow development is lacking.

i see shapes and rhythems and compostions. it helps when those exist and alter and being played with and if we are aware of those possibilities. makes it rich.

i dont see different dimensions. it all stays in the same one. i wonder how to do that so it is more visible. i watched on the plane the other day intersteller. its just a stupid move with mathew mcconaughey but it was actually convincing me in terms of there are so many dimensions !!!!!! omg azathot should totally have the same affect, especially in its film version.

The body as a producer/instrument of both movement & sound

Movement & sound making relationship —> causation? No. Mutualistic relationship; different from the typical causational, even parasitic realtionship between dance and musicality

Sometimes synchronous, other times — asynchronous. It starts with little “collaboration” but builds up to more.

Performars start off as individuals and in the process of vocalising and moving they shift towards collevtivity and (dis)harmony

Collective humming — it has a meditative quality to it, especially in moments of harmony/synchronicity. It was also visceral, emerging from deep within, even something primitive, pre-language communication. Sometimes it sounds like they are collectively giving birth

I also enjoyed moent of boldness in movement & vocalising and by boldness I mean sharp changes

Resonance ! What does that mean - the quality of deep, full, reverberating ;; the power to evoke powerful images or memories, in this case movement -- I see a resonance research

Collective performative state of mind — shared consciousness?? (A bit overused) — one organism - listening and responding — sustaining and saturating unexpected moments of connection —> collective discovery /// harmony but also disharmony